Medium Kat Baillie's Tribute to Mike Edwards, the Founder of Helping Fathers Heal

Last night I went to my first support group meeting.  It was weird being the person who was sitting in the grief stricken seat, humbling actually, sat on the other side of the camera but knowing that I could sit there and just be, was a great relief to me.  If ever there was a legacy to my dear friend, it was this one, you created the best support group, with the very best people and you definitely did it better than me.  (Not that we were competitive or anything! What would I say to you, Quality not quantity! You might just show up for one person but that one person, is the most important one.  It’s who you were sent there for, so quit with the numbers thing.  I don’t get it!) 

As I listened to your words through others, “ah you’re just in the fog, brother!”  “Yeah, that’s raw!”  I smiled to myself.  I could feel your presence.  Not gone but living through these men before me.  I can’t tell you how many times you told me how it was done, what you were doing.  I thought I understood.  Numerous days, I sat listening smiling as you would tell me your latest strategy for getting people out of the fog but nothing is quite like having the Mike Edwards experience.  

Last night, I got the real deal.  I didn’t listen, I heard, I felt.  More importantly I felt safe.  I felt  safe to cry.  I felt safe to scream.  I felt safe saying nothing.  I felt safe speaking up and I watched how others I had held space for, held space for me.  I felt safe to receive love.  I didn’t need anything.  I just needed to be in this space where people knew you.  The real you.  A blubbering wreck of a girl, in deep grief because of her deep love for a man, older and wiser than her years, who reminded her most days of her father in law.  Another man, I loved to the end of the earth and back and I am bereft of.  You get to meet Roy now.  Get worried, he’s going to give you a run for your money.  

I have four decades of helping Michael’s.  He sends one a decade to remind me who I work for and who I have come to help.  He reminds me that there is much work to be done and to be of service to others is the greatest gift that you can give to your soul, but I have to say Mike Edwards, out of all the Michaels I have helped, you were definitely my favourite by far.  Our five OBEs were the best!  I will miss you saying buddy out loud, but I expect you to say it clairaudiently to me now, your Texas Katy drawl knocking it out of the water! I sure hope you will continue to help me, helping me, helping others from the other side, with Dylan and the rest of the Wild Kat team.  It was a pretty cool birthday present, him showing you what you had achieved.  What you wanted to achieve was supernova but what you actually achieved was much brighter than that, not an exploding star but one that can only grow brighter.  You delivered a growth plan, that if fertilised, will keep on giving.  Supernova was a good idea but Helping fathers heal however was shit hot!  Never have I met a nicer group of guys, who just love one another, hold space with one another and who are just great to catch up with and talk to. You taught them how to live, even when you were dying inside.  

BTW, I have listened to a lot of yours and Andy’s dad jokes in my time, but I can’t say I ever knew who Chuck Norris was, but I do now bro!  I do now!  And god was I thankful for a laugh.  You could clean up the language a little bit though.  My f bombs didn’t even land.  I had to put my headphones on!  Ava was sleeping!  

I was such a mess, I arrived 45 mins late and no one even batted an eyelid!  Dennis and Andy just welcomed me in with a few swear words!  There are only a few people I would get out of bed for at 2am or 3am in the morning UK time for but you are, were definitely one of them buddy.  Rest in peace.  Enjoy life with Dylan.  Call in on me frequently.   Maybe we can OBE and lucid dream together.  You can correct my practice.  I presume the spiders web character was you, reminding me, we are all part of that web of love and love unlike material things is eternal.  Sending you a whole ton of love.  Do something good with it because you did something great down here.  I witnessed it last night and it was a blessing to me.  

I could cry me a river!  We will have more OBEs this much I guarantee because you are not walking out of my life, you are floating into it!  There is work to be done, so don’t get too comfy and don’t put your feet up!  I will guarantee you one thing.  I will never buy you ole man slippers.  I see you met Ian already and the rest of the team.  That’s good.   I liked my sign at the bar.  I appreciated it.  I needed it.  

Against all the odds.  You made it!  I am so proud of you.   Only Allyson and Dylan can love you more than me.  

Love you buddy!  I hope you will remember 21/10 forever.  

Let’s start by going back to the future.

Love, Kat x

For Anurag, “why are you here?”  “Well, clearly I came here to meet and hang out with a lotta guys!”   Made me chuckle,  I learnt from the best, clearly I was listening.

~Please watch an interview with Mike and listen to the song he wrote with Dylan by clicking here.